When I was working for a Prestige Dealer I had a problem with a rather lazy fellow salesman, I used to religiously take details of all my customers and their vehicular needs and keep in touch and track of them through my own prospect system, my fellow Salesman was the laziest person I had ever come across,  the epitome of Used Car Salesman and everything in a guy that I didn’t like, he would sell his Mother and tell the biggest lies to close a sale, he was a new addition to our salesforce and didn’t fit in with our established team

I first noticed a problem when one of my customers had come in to sign up for a car on my day off, now by rights, the deal should have been mine as I had done all the work, underwrite, test drive and numerous quotes for finance, all I had to do was show the Sales Manager my prospect sheet with all the info recorded and the commission and deal would be mine, however, I couldn’t find the sheet, after a bit of detective work I discovered that my customer had phoned the day before and another Salesman had taken the call, the other salesman told the customer that there was no problem and he would sort out the deal in my absence, which he did, but then he went a little further and broke into my desk pinched my prospect sheet leaving me with no claim on the deal, In Salesman’s terms my colleague had “Sharked” my deal

I had suspected that someone had been rummaging through my prospect system on my days off but as far as I knew this was the first time that it had cost me a customer and my commission, I only had one suspect and I couldn’t afford to let it happen again so i needed to come up with a fiendish plan to show this guy who he was messing with.

I set about making a prospect sheet for a fictitious customer whose firm wanted to buy 10 vehicles which had a combined value of half a million pounds, I chose a particular model because there was a promotion on at the time and the Salesman was getting extra commission to clear the decks, I had to make the prospect look as realistic as possible so I fabricated precise directions to their factory, 12 months of imaginary contacts, finance quotes on each vehicle, a telephone call log and weathered the sheet to make it look aged and well used, all that was left was to get my mate to ring in on my day off to say that the Directors had all agreed to the purchase now and had signed the deposit cheque, they needed to see me as soon as possible to go through the specifications and colours and give me the purchase order, our receptionist disliked the New guy too so she was a willing accomplice and I had instructed her to put the call through to “Sharky”  everything went according to plan.

I wasn’t there to see it but the other lads who had also been on the wrong end of Sharkys dirty tricks were in on the prank and told me that my victim had developed £ signs where his eyes used to be, he had to break into my prospect file but being from Liverpool this was second nature to him and he sat at my desk pretending to stamp brochures while he worked his lock pick, prospect sheet in hand he told our Sales Manager that he was off to sign up a fleet deal that he had been working on for ages, and that he would be out all day he then set off to drive the 120 miles to get the deposit cheque.

I can only imagine his surprise when the secretary of the firm told him that Hugh Jarce was not the name of their MD and they knew nothing about an order for any cars, or when he returned to the showroom and found the note on his desk saying rearrange these words to complete a well known saying ‘F*** with Don’t’ me.

I had humiliated Sharky, and he left us shortly afterward with his tail between his legs, I had achieved a moral victory but in truth, it probably took me as long if not longer to compile all the fake information as it did for him to drive the round trip to see Hugh, I’m not a vindictive person and I was very sad that he left especially as a few weeks later I was promoted and i could have really made his life a misery 🙂

Whoops perhaps I am a vindictive person after all